Learning to Let Go

Trusting is difficult. It means letting go. It means giving up control. It means transferring your confidence from yourself to another person--in my case, the other person that I need to rely on is Jesus, my Lord and Savior.

I know in my head that God is trustworthy. His character is such that it makes much better sense to put my faith in Him rather than in myself. God is sovereign; I am subject to circumstances. God is all-powerful; I am extremely weak. God is wise; I have very limited understanding. In light of this, why is it so difficult for me to let go?

I can think of several possible reasons--and all of them are upsetting. It could be that I don't trust in God's goodness. It could be that I am proud, and that I think I can do a better job than He can. It could be that I feel like if I "let go," my life will spin out of control. Or it could be a combination of all three! But it all boils down to the fact that I don't believe in my heart of hearts that God is who He says He is and can do what He says He will do.

God is bringing to light areas in my life where I need to "let go and let God." One of these areas is my search for employment. I need a job, and I need one soon! I'm doing my best to scour the internet and other resources for every possible opportunity. However, there comes a point at which I need to put the situation in God's hands.

For example, I am reviewing a possible nannying position. I have many questions: Am I capable of handling this? Will the family's schedule match up with my availability? What are the children like? Truthfully, I'm just plain scared. Scared to venture out into new territory that I have never attempted before. But should this keep me from moving forward, if I know that it is what God wants?

The Lord keeps bringing me back to a well-known passage of Scripture that is much easier to read and agree with than to actually put into practice. The passage is Proverbs 3:5-6:

Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths. (NKJV)

 The meaning of this verse is made even clearer in the Message version of the Bible:

Trust GOD from the bottom of your heart; don't try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for GOD's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; He's the One who will keep you on track.

Trust God from the bottom of your heart. Not only do I need to trust God mentally, but I need to trust Him emotionally--in the deepest parts of my heart and soul. In this way, I will desire to put into practice the things that He is calling me to do.

Don't try to figure out everything on your own. How often do I attempt this? I want to know who, where, when, why, and how everything is going to work out. But what room does this leave for my faith in God?

Listen for GOD's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go. I need to tune-out the constant flood of thoughts, worries, and what-if's that bombard my mind, and tune-in to God's still, small voice.

He's the only One who will keep you on track. If I "let go," my life will not crumble. If I trust in my God and surrender to Him, things will not spiral out of control. He is the only One who has the desire and ability to keep me on track, and He is the the only One worthy of my complete faith and trust.

I believe (Lord, help me overcome my unbelief! see Mark 9:24) that He will not let me down!

He Lifts Me Up

                        

As I was driving home from work yesterday, the perfect song come on the radio while listening to my favorite station, K-Love. I would like to share the lyrics of this song and how God used them to encourage me after a long day. The song is by The Afters and is called "Lift Me Up."

You lift me up with your love
You lift me up with your love
You lift me up with your love
You lift me up

Waiting for the sunrise
Waiting for the day
Waiting for a sign
That I'm where you want me to be

I am grateful for my job, but it is certainly not my dream job. However, God is using this time and place in my life to shape me and to grow me. I was reminded of this as I was listening to this song. I had asked God for help and strength for my projects, and He had given it to me. It was the first time in a while that I could truly say that I had experienced victory over my struggles

You know my heart is heavy
And the hurt is deep
But when I feel like giving up
You're reminding me
That we all fall down sometimes
But when I hit the ground

It had been a difficult day. I made several mistakes, which I HATE doing. I am a big perfectionist, as well as a people-pleaser. These are areas in which God is actively refining me. I had fallen down--made mistakes, messed up, fallen short--but I didn't have to stay on the ground, because God was lifting me up.

You lift me up when I am weak
Your arms wrap around me
Your love catches me so I'm letting go
You lift me up when I can't see
Your heart is all that I need
Your love carries me so I'm letting go

You lift me up with your love
You lift me up with your love
You lift me up with your love
You lift me up

The burdens were too much; I couldn't carry them any longer (Matthew 11:28-30)! My desire to be perfect, and my inability to accomplish this, was causing me great stress. But in my weakness, God is strong (2 Corinthians 12:9-10). And His love and grace were enough to keep me moving forward.

I know I'm not perfect
I know I make mistakes
I know that I have let you down
But you love me the same

And when I'm surrounded
When I lose my way
When I'm crying out and falling down
You are here to

Lift me up when I am weak
Your arms wrap around me
Your love catches me so I'm letting go
You lift me up when I can't see
Your heart is all that I need
Your love carries me so I'm letting go

Again, I HATE making mistakes. But God is showing me that I don't have to contort them into big catastrophes, as is my natural inclination. Ok, so I messed up; I made a mistake. But this doesn't mean that I can't move forward, learn from my errors, and try to do better the next time. God's love for me doesn't depend on my performance--praise Him! I can rest assured that He will catch me when I fall, wrap me in His arms of love, and give me the strength to keep going.

I can see the dawn is breaking
I am feeling overtaken with your love
With your love
I don't know what I can offer
In this moment I surrender to your love
To your love

God's love for me is new every morning (Lamentations 3:22-23). I don't have a lot to offer the Author of the universe, but when I surrender to Him, to His grace, and to His perfect plans for me, I will truly be living a purposeful and satisfying life. Because He lifts me up and supports me, I can let go and let Him take control!

You lift me up when I am weak
Your arms wrap around me
Your love catches me so I'm letting go

You lift me up when I am weak
Your arms wrap around me
Your love catches me so I'm letting go
You lift me up when I can't see
Your heart is all that I need
Your love carries me so I'm letting go

I can see the dawn is breaking
I am feeling overtaken with your love

You lift me up with your love
You lift me up with your love
You lift me up with your love
You lift me up

Joy in the Journey

In my parents' garden

Today was a rough day. I started out by oversleeping, getting stuck in traffic on my way to work, and arriving at my little cubicle with a feeling of defeat. If this was how my day was beginning, who knew what the remainder of my shift would be like? Nevertheless, I asked God for help and settled into my routine.

It just kept getting worse. I had leftover work from the day before, more work given to me in the morning, and before I was able to make a dent in any of that, even more kept piling on top. I started feeling anxious. How was I going to get all of this done? Would I be able to complete each of my tasks with excellence? I worked right through to the mid-afternoon mark without stopping, but finally realized that I was so overwhelmed that I needed to take a break. I heated up my frozen meal and headed out to my car. Blasting the air conditioning and getting comfortable in my car seat, I was at long last able to relax a little. I said a prayer: God, I can't do this. Please help me! I'm trying my best, but I feel like that's not enough. Thank you that it IS enough for You, and help me to continue to work at it with all of my heart, in order to please You, and to not worry about what other people think. I called my husband--he told me to take a few deep breaths, and he read to me a devotion from Our Daily Bread. What an amazing husband I have! Even though his day wasn't going any better than mine, he took the time to encourage me. I texted my mom to ask for her prayers, gobbled down my food, and headed back inside.

The afternoon proved to go better than my morning. I focused on my work, knocked a good amount of it out, and even though I didn't get everything done, I felt like I could breathe again. As I walked out to my car that at the conclusion of the day, I thanked the Lord for--once again--carrying me through.

Our God is good! In the difficult times, He teaches us to rely on Him more fully. He shows His strength in our weakness. He displays His glory through our feeble attempts at obedience. And all the while, He shapes us more and more into the people that He wants us to be.

There is joy in the journey!